I’ve been single for a while and I’ve finally decided to dip my toes into the dating pool. Who am I kidding? I practically threw myself off the cliff the second I downloaded Tinder. You know, right into shark infested waters. Naturally.
It’s 2017! You can get all the dick pics you want (or not) with the tap of a few buttons.
So why are we listening to some arbitrary list of rules about dating?
Who came up with these rules?
Do me a favour – and burn them. Shred them. Throw them out the window. Just get rid of them.
We should be able to kiss whoever we want, go on as many dates as we want, and double text that special someone (across multiple platforms) whenever we want. I’m sure you can annoy a person into liking you. Right?
However, the rules of dating state that you must be a doormat, an inflatable doll, or dull as dishwater if you want a boy (or girl) to look in your direction twice.
I’m not about that life. And you shouldn’t be, either.
What ‘three dates’ rule?
When we were in high school, it was all about ‘bases’. You know, whether your inexperienced boyfriend had managed grab your boob or if he was stumped by a simple bra clasp. There was a set time for all the bases to be covered and you were labeled as ‘frigid’ if you hadn’t done it by then.
College was a sea of first dates and fuckboys. And more first dates because everyone in college is a fuckboy. I remember getting ready for dates and having friends ask me if I was going to sleep with him. My response of: “I don’t know, if I feel like it.” would often get a look of utter horror because hadn’t I heard of the three date rule?! Uh, yes, but sometimes I don’t have the patience of a saint. And wanting to have sex does not make me (or you) a bad person.
Need I remind you that we live in 2017? Go out, get your freak on, and get a cheeseburger afterwards.
Ask him out
Girls are supposed to play coy, wait until a male (or female) comes to them, and then let the male organise everything. I call bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. On the whole thing. I’m pretty sure I’d die an old maid if I waited for a man to fall for my lady charm. (Mainly because I have none.) I know what I want. And I tend to want it now.
You better believe that I will ask a guy out if I like what I see. And you should do it too.
Take it to the bedroom
Scenario: You go on a few dates and discover that you just don’t click. You know, despite your brain telling you that he needs to rearrange your insides. He’s attractive. You’re attractive. You’re attracted to each other. Why not just give it a go? Sometimes casual sex can be the best sort of relationship.
Ditch the ‘treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen’ tactic
A little bit of a chase can be fun. For about two seconds. You run the risk of sending mixed messages if you let him chase you too hard. Did you go on an awesome date? Great. Let him know that you had fun and that you want to do it again. None of this ‘wait one or two days to message’ bullshit. Girl, you better believe that you aren’t the only one interested in your man. Do you want to lose him because you were playing some silly game? I don’t think so.
Grow some lady balls and message him first. Heck, double text him if the date was that good.
Order the pizza
Girl, you know you can eat a whole pizza by yourself and still smash a dessert. Don’t go on a dinner date and order a salad. (Unless you’re all about that life.) You’re doing yourself a disservice. You’re going out to dinner to have dinner. Not to push the food around the plate for half an hour, take a few bites, and then declare that you’re full. Everyone in the restaurant knows that you’re lying.
Go on a lot of first dates
Do I need to remind you that it’s 2017? Because it is and I am. No one dates just one person these days. (Or maybe they do. What do I know?) Go on a date with him (or her) then go on a date with someone else. Does he still have Tinder? Time to download the app too. It’s called keeping your options open. You can bet they’re doing the exact same thing. You aren’t being disloyal. You’re making sure that the person you’re with is the one for you.
On the flip side, you should probably lock it down if you’re staying at their house every other night, have your own side of the bed at their house (and it comes with a charger), and you’re making their bed in the morning. You hear me? Lock it down. ASAP.
It’s 2017. Go on that date. Get naked with that person. Eat a hamburger…or ten. You’re only going to regret the things you don’t end up doing.