I Am Not Missing Out

It was terrifying to tell people I’m pregnant.

I believe the stigma about being a young parent is dying out, but being a young, single parent still raises a few eyebrows.

Telling my friends was easy. Most of them immediately jumped to my side and offered all sorts of help and support. They have been beyond brilliant and I am so lucky to have friends that will stand by my side no matter what. Heck, one of my oldest friends is so excited I joked that I should have gotten pregnant earlier.

Telling my family was easier. A lot of my family members have had children young. The whole family goes gaga over the idea of a new baby. Needless to say, I have more support than I could have ever asked for.

Those are the good reactions.

29 weeks pregnant, Kendel Maxwell @ Little Misadventures #NZBloggers.jpg

I have gotten more than my fair share of “Poor you” and “You are so brave” utterances. I get the sympathetic looks and pats on the arm. I don’t want or need some sort of sympathy. It does not help the situation. Another one of my favourites is Aren’t you scared of missing out?

That question usually makes me raise my eyebrows.

What makes you think that I’m going to miss out?

Now, I’m not completely naive and I am aware that things are going to be harder. A lot harder. However, people are asking me if I’ll miss going out, drinking, and partying like a ‘normal’ 20-something.

What you don’t know is that I can count the amount of times I’ve been drunk or have been drinking this year on one maybe two hand(s). I moved to Auckland when I didn’t know many people, so I had to look out for myself. After a while, the idea of partying and spending exorbitant amounts of money on alcohol, cover charges, and party dresses just didn’t sound like a good time to me.

What you don’t know is that I have a degree. I found out that I was pregnant in the middle of my last year at university. Don’t get me wrong, it was hard, but I did it. I changed my enrolment so I was no longer taking a standard amount of classes on campus, but an ‘extreme’ amount through the online distance learning platform. I knuckled down and got on with it. As of right now, I am waiting for one grade to be finalised then I can shout “I’m a graduate!” from the rooftops.

What you don’t know is that I might be single, but I am not alone.

What you don’t know is that my ex is not an asshole who ran away without a second thought. I have defended, defended, defended until I am blue in the face. I have told the same story over and over. Sometimes to the same people. Multiple times. All you really need to know is that he isn’t a dropkick or a bad person, and that it isn’t really any of your business. Harsh, but true.

What you don’t know is that this pregnancy has made me more determined. I have always wanted to be successful, but this baby has given me a form of motivation that hadn’t existed before now. I can and will do all the things I wanted to do. It might take two years or it might take ten years, but it will happen. Believe me.

I am not missing out on anything and I will not miss out on anything.


63 days to go and I am beyond excited. Beyond terrified.

63 days to go and I get to experience life all over again. Through his eyes.

63 days to go and I am not missing out on anything.

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7 thoughts on “I Am Not Missing Out

  1. Although you aren’t ever on your own, sometimes you may feel it. Heck I’m married and I felt alone! It’s amazing how much everything changes after giving birth, I too would be classed as a young-ish mum as I was 24 when I had my baby. None of my friends have babies, and a lot still go out every weekend drinking and partying – I don’t miss that. Nights spent in my pjs cuddling my toddler while he is still young enough to want to cuddle, is enough for me. I have recently started a blog about what I learnt from my baby’s first year, and I am constantly adding to it, so it might be worth a look for you! I remember many many nights spent google searching everything and anything that cropped up that I wasn’t expecting.

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