The Problem with Modern Romance

The Problem with Modern Romance, Kendel @ Little Misadventures #NZbloggers

There is a problem with modern romance. I think every girl can agree with this statement.

Dating in this era is hard.

People claim the rise of the internet and dating applications has made it easier to meet people, and I agree. It has made it easier to meet people, but it has made it infinitely harder to establish a proper relationship. Tinder was hailed as the revolutionary dating application that took the world by storm. It was the app to have if you wanted to score a hot date. However, it also facilitated the idea of judging a person on their looks or ‘judging a book by their cover’. Swipe left if you don’t like them or swipe right if they meet your standards and hope like hell they feel the same way.

I can bash the application all I want, but I have used it in the past. A long, long time ago (it seems). There have been a few success stories, which seems to fuel the hope of people using the app.

The other side of Tinder is the “Hey baby, wat r yu doin tonight?” question or the classic “Are you awake?” message that you receive in the middle of the night. Those are the people who use the application for a quick hook up, and it gets old very quickly. Those messages were what prompted me to delete Tinder and I just hoped that I would stumble upon someone in the ‘real world’.

I did.

In fact, the last two ‘relationships’ (of sorts) I was in came from being in the right place at the right time.

I remember sitting on the beach, studying for a test, when a very nicely dressed man happened to walk appear by the rocks. I proceeded to message a group of people about the ‘super hot sex god’ on the beach. I looked up from my phone to discover that he had taken his shirt off (thank lord for beaches) and being the mega perv that I am, I decided to walk past to see if his body matched his face. Shallow, I know, but those abs made my day.

He started a conversation and we exchanged phone numbers. It was a week (or so) later and I had the shirtless sex god in my room. That was the beginning of a year of casually seeing each other. Throughout that year I asked a lot of tough questions, both of him and of myself.

No one likes to feel like they’re wasting their time. No one likes to develop feelings when they’re unsure of how the other person feels. No one likes to put in effort and feel like they’re getting nothing in return.

That was my problem. It is also the main problem I have with modern romance. It’s as if the ‘romance’ part is completely lacking. The ‘hook up’ became such a common thing that men just expect women to drop their panties without a second thought. Have sex, stay the night (if you’re lucky) then go home. Rinse and repeat. It makes you question what you’re doing and where the ‘relationship’ is heading, which generally caused more problems.

During that year, I asked a lot of tough questions of him, and of myself.

The tough questions resembled the typical “What are we doing?”

Every time I would ask that question, and every time I would get an answer I didn’t like. I would leave (for a while), but I would always get sucked back in.

Until I met my ex.

I met him the night he moved into his new flat, and the rest is history. Or something like that.

It didn’t take long for feelings to develop.

A few months went by.

I remember receiving the “What are we doing?” message from him. This was a change of pace. I was usually the one asking that question. It threw me into a blind panic because I didn’t know how to answer. He knew that I liked him, but I was absolutely terrified of telling him how those feelings had developed.

It wasn’t love, but it was something.

I hadn’t liked someone the way I liked him in a long, long, long time.

I can’t remember what I said, but I think it was something along the lines of “Well, I’m obviously not seeing anyone else…”. That’s where the conversation began and ended.

I have always had a problem with expressing my emotions. In fact, my friends used to joke that I had an emotional range of a teaspoon. (Bonus points if you know where that line comes from.) It’s still true.

Pregnancy has made me more emotional, but it hasn’t given me the ability to deal with those emotions. When a person asks me questions like “What are we doing?” or Have you moved on? I freeze up. The answers don’t come easy to me because I just don’t know. It sounds like the answer a child would have because, at times, I feel like a child discovering something new.

I know “I don’t know” is a cop-out answer. It dismisses the feelings you have. I know it does, but it doesn’t stop me from saying it.

Maybe I just wasn’t ready to admit it. Maybe I didn’t know what I was admitting to.

All I know is that one day, when someone asks me a tough question, I will have an answer.


3 thoughts on “The Problem with Modern Romance

  1. Very good story !
    I just think that sometimes you don’t need an answer to carry on. BUT there will be that one person that will tell you things exactly as they are. Even if you don’t agree, even if most his/her point of views have a lot of discrepancies compared to your own… this one person will have the power to make you listen and understand (not agree, because we are always right) and when that day comes you won’t have to run away from unwanted answers 🙂


  2. Ugh, this whole weird dating world makes me shudder. There’s absolutely nothing romantic about hooking up and suppressing any feelings you might have, but it seems almost prerequisite to any serious relationship now. I’m glad to have met my husband when I did, because I don’t think I could survive this weird Tinder universe we’re in. I think when you do meet the right person, those concerns and worries you have just kind of fade away. It’s a relief to be able to speak honestly for the first time and see what happens. 🙂


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