Finding out that you’re pregnant can be an exciting time. It can also be a terrifying time.
I still remember looking down at the test and being convinced that it was wrong. I mean, a false positive was a thing, right? Needless to say, I was terrified. Two more pregnancy tests and a trip to the doctors later, and I knew that a false positive was not a thing. And I was still terrified.
People might look and me and assume that my life hasn’t changed since I found out that I was pregnant. I’m young, single, and living with my parents. To outsiders, it looks like I’m a girl who had a little too much fun and got ‘caught out’. To others, it looks convenient. To many, it looks like I’m leaning on my parents as I go through this pregnancy as a single mother.
Pregnancy has turned my world upside down. Completely.
It was terrifying at first.
I lie, it’s still terrifying. Now I’m embracing it. Completely.
One thing I cannot deny is that my life has changed (a lot) since finding out I was pregnant in June.
I found out who my ‘real’ friends were
It was a rather cruel wake up call, but I found out who was going to be there for me no matter what when I found out I was pregnant. A few people said some down right nasty things. They were true (to some extent), but the way they were phrased were not kind. I know they just had my interests at heart, but they could have gone about it in a different way. There’s a right way to talk to an emotional pregnant woman and there’s a wrong way to talk to an emotional pregnant woman. Let’s just say they chose the second option. I haven’t spoken to them since the first few weeks of my pregnancy. I do miss them, but it just feels like too much time has passed and too much has happened to repair the friendship. C’est la vie, right?
My priorities shifted
I was at college and nearing the end of my degree. I was looking at internships, careers, travel and what my life was going to look like in the next five years. It was all about me, me, me. The second I found out I was pregnant, it became all about the baby. Was I eating, sleeping, and drinking enough? Was I getting enough nutrients? Not only that, but I finally got it. I remember a friend saying that having children is what we were all here for. I didn’t agree with his statement then, but I get where he’s coming from now. My whole life has become less about my needs or wants, and it became all about him.
I moved home
This was probably one of the toughest moves yet. I lived in Auckland, which is a city that I love with all my heart. It is my place. I have never, ever felt so at home in a city before. I was convinced that I could live anywhere in that city and I would be content. I was trying to do my best to stay, but it became too much. I moved away from the city and back in with my parents. I had always said that I was going to move far, far away and never come back (which is the harsh truth), so coming home was a wake up call. I’ve been on the Coromandel for seventeen weeks now and I love it.
I found my motivation
I was a college student in my final year and a half of my degree. I wasn’t planning a baby. Heck, I wasn’t ever planning on having a baby. I had told my mother ‘you’ll be waiting a long time for me to have kids’ in April of this year, which was roughly two months before I found out that I was pregnant. I really meant it. Then. Finding out that I was pregnant was a kick in the ass that I needed. I had been studying two papers online and three more planned for the following semester. I instantly changed my enrolment so I was completing five papers online in the second (and hopefully last) semester. This was so I could finish my degree from anywhere. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, failing was not an option. I just knew that I didn’t want to be finishing my undergrad degree and looking after a newborn at the same time.
I have a whole new perspective (about everything)
I have a whole lot of respect for mothers. All mothers: single mothers, working mothers, step mothers, mothers in ‘whole’ families, adoptive mothers. Every mother under the sun. They have an incredible amount of love that is indescribable until you are a mother yourself. I guess you could say that I saw the bigger picture.
I have become more resilient
I have never been a person to break when under pressure, but being pregnant and single is a whole other ball game. Nothing can prepare you for it, and I have had to develop a stronger backbone than ever before. I have seen people judging me as I walk around town. I have seen people judging me when I have been waiting to get an ultrasound. I have seen people judge me when they find out that I’m single and gearing up to be a single mother. However, I have never been one to let anyone’s opinions bother me. ‘Can’t’ isn’t a word that is allowed in my life anymore. Anything is possible. You just have to find a way to make it work, and that is exactly what I’m going to do. That’s exactly what I am doing.
Pregnancy is a whirlwind.
It is a shock to the system and it is scary. I’m 27 weeks and I’m still surprised by some of the kicks that I get from my baby boy.
Planned or not, you are suddenly asked to rearrange your life and put another person before yourself for the rest of your life. That can be daunting.
There is no doubt that my life has changed and it will continue to change.
But I’m ready and I’m excited.
February cannot come quick enough.