I posted on Twitter a couple of days ago: It’s so weird how everything and nothing can change in a year.
I’ve been thinking about where I am now and where I was one year ago. Believe it or not, but my life was quite different. I was in a different place physically, mentally and emotionally. Everything and nothing has changed. Do you believe such a thing could be true?
The middle of the year makes me reflect on everything I have done in the last twelve months. Sometimes not a heck of a lot changes, but sometimes it seems like my whole world has been turned on its head. I’m starting to get this feeling. Most of what I knew last year has been completely reversed or has begun to fade into nothing more than a memory. Part of me is sad that it’s happening, but part of me is glad that I’m moving forward and developing a new chapter of my life.
One year ago, I was living in Hamilton with four guys in a house that was cold and had a bit of a funny smell to it. I didn’t care. I loved that house. It was my home and I truly loved
all most of the time that I spent there.
Now I’m living on the Hibiscus Coast with three guys and another girl. We have a full house, but it is a lovely house. It is big. It is clean, warm, and dry. I decided to move to Auckland at the end of last year, which was fuelled by my application to the college based on the North Shore.
One year ago, I felt like I was an alien in my own body. I really hated my body. With a passion. This time last year, I would have weighed a whopping 42kg (92.5lb) and I hated it. Not because I was “too skinny” but because I thought that I was fat. The fact that my hip bones, collarbone and ribs were popping out didn’t help me realise that something else was going on entirely. I was constantly tired and cold, but never hungry. Looking back, I don’t know if I was more scared of food or of putting on weight. Either way – it wasn’t healthy and it wasn’t me.
Now, I still have my ‘meh’ days, but they are largely outweighed by my ‘dang, I look gooooood‘ days 😉 I’ve put on 5kg (11lb) since last year, and none of it has gone to my boobs
which is only mildly depressing. C’est la vie. I have more of a figure AKA you can actually define my waist from my hips 😉 I quite like resembling a ‘woman’. I weigh 47kg (103lb) and yes, I do have the old ‘I should tone up’ thought, but it isn’t followed by killing myself at the gym or restricting my food intake. It is done by listening to myself and my body. I guess I just have a healthier way of looking at myself.
One year ago, I had just changed my degree from a Bachelor of Arts with a majors in Linguistics and Writing Studies to a Bachelor of Communication with a major in Public Relations. I went from having classes with thirty or forty people to classes of hundreds. It was overwhelming…and brilliant. In my last semester at Waikato University I studied management, marketing, intercultural communication, and I even got to set up my own ‘business’.
Now I’m studying a Bachelor of Communication with a major in Journalism Studies. I couldn’t be happier. I don’t know how to explain it. I have liked everything I studied in the past, but I never really got the click that I had been looking for. I would have moments of inspiration, but never the ‘Yes, this is what I’m supposed to be doing’ moment.
One year ago, I was terrified of eating cheese, bread, pasta, pizza, bananas, avocados and definitely anything deep-fried. They were my ‘fear foods’ I guess. Just thinking about them would give me anxiety and turn my stomach into knots. I would go out of my way to avoid them. It was not a pleasant time.
Now I can’t imagine a life without cheese and bread, and especially pizza. I don’t know how or when it happened, but it’s like I suddenly “woke up” and realised that having some bread isn’t going to change my body structure overnight. It might if I happened to eat the entire loaf, but not two pieces. I can’t really explain the how or why any of it happened, but I’m glad I have pizza back in my life. The world takes on this weird, shimmery glow after a slice (or three) of pizza. Trust me 😉
One year ago, I started dating. Properly dating. I would travel from city to city, and meet new (and interesting) people. I would hear their life story, and I would go home. Last year I started dating someone who is eighteen years my senior. After writing that down and seeing it in black and white, it seems so…odd. I mean, how could we have anything in common or be interested in each other, right? I can’t really describe it…but there was just that click. Natural attraction, I guess. Nothing was forced. It was very, very easy with him. I’ve had people ask if I would do it again and hell yes I would do it again. If there’s natural attraction and chemistry, why not? 😉
Now, I’m starting to realise that men my age (ish) aren’t the devil in disguise. Some of them (a select few) are actually incredibly nice.
They also look pretty good shirtless. I think it’s high time that I gave them a shot, wouldn’t you agree? 😉
I could go on and on about how much my life has changed in the last year. I have learned so much about myself and what I want for the future. I have learned about my friends and my family. I have learned that you should never park your car on any street. EVER. I have learned that Auckland isn’t as scary as I thought it was. I have learned that I can’t stand on my own two feet (yet), but I’m lucky that my mum and family supports me.
There is definitely a season for everything in life, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.