I’m perpetually single. I think we all know this by now.
In fact, I think that being single is awesome. Don’t get me wrong, I think that being in a relationship is great too, but there is nothing wrong with being single. We aren’t sad. We aren’t desperate, and (most of the time) we aren’t lonely. We aren’t a wounded cat that you have to bring into your house and feed up (although I wouldn’t say no if pizza and coffee were on offer).
I’m young. A twenty-something college student living in an absolutely massive city.
I am living my life. I’m not short on time to find “The One”. If he even exists. Right now I’m convinced he’s hiding somewhere in Atlantis.
I am happy, despite the fact that I am so single it hurts. Apparently some people can’t understand how ‘happy’ and ‘single’ exist in the same sentence. At 23, I have gotten the cliche phrases that are designed to ‘cheer me up’. You know, because I’m over here crying into my coffee and amassing a small army of cats.
Honestly, college (and your twenties) is the one time you should be 100% single and doing whatever (read: whoever) you want.
So give us ‘sad’ single girls a chance, because we’re probably happier than you think.
1. YOU’RE SO LUCKY. I WISH I WAS SINGLE.
Solution: Break up with whoever you’re dating.
I don’t know if you’re saying it for my benefit or not, but it sounds like you’re the unhappy one here. I know the grass is always greener, but you might not want to say that to a single girl. You’re likely to get the side eye and a swift punch to the tit. You also might want to talk to your partner. It sounds like you have major issues. Maybe he just doesn’t go down on you enough. (Which is a major issue and I would definitely talk to him about it.)
2. IT’LL HAPPEN WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.
Kind of like getting your period for the first time, right? Because that sure as shit surprised me. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has heard this cliche. It is usually accompanied by a hug, sad eyes, or a reassuring pat on the hand. Sometimes a combination of all three if you are really lucky. Do you know what will happen when you least expect it?
Swift punch to the tit. Just don’t say it.
3. HEY, DO YOU MIND IF I SET YOU UP WITH ___? HE’S A REALLY NICE GUY.
Ah, the ‘really nice guy’ line. We’ve all heard it before, right? Maybe you were the one who said it.
Need I remind you that I’m single by choice? No, I don’t want to be set up. Especially not with a ‘really nice guy’. I need a guy who isn’t afraid to pull my hair, not a guy who will open doors for me. (Although that would be nice too.)
Don’t you worry, I will put myself out there when I am well and truly ready.
4. BUT WHYYYYYY?
Please refer to above.
I’m single by choice.
I have a whole list of reasons why being single is awesome.
Read them and maybe you’ll decide to follow in my footsteps (or maybe you won’t, whatever). I like being able to leave my underwear lying around and have crumbs in my bed without having to worry about whether the next fuckboy will judge me or not. (He probably will.) I like being able to blog about a brilliant idea at 1am and not having to share the last piece of pizza. I guess that just makes me a bit selfish, no?
5. WELL, NOW YOU CAN LET YOURSELF GO.
How am I going to
trick a man into dating me get a boyfriend if I look like a sad street urchin?
6. I THOUGHT YOU WERE WITH ___?
Yeah, well now I’m not.
Nine times out of ten, the guy has been in my bed and out the door for a couple of weeks before a friend asks me that question. The other time I have been single for so long that I have started a fantasy cat league on the internet. Because that’s a thing, right?
I am pretty picky about who I date and who I mention to my friends or family. (Although sometimes I have a humble brag if he’s a super babe.)
Please, pay attention. If I don’t mention a man for a week then it is pretty safe to assume that he has gotten the boot.
7. YOU DO YOU, BOO.
Oh, I am. Don’t you worry.