May was the month that I ‘woke up’ to my life and where I was. It’s no secret that April was hard for me and, honestly, March wasn’t either. Nothing wakes you up to life like being kicked in the ass. Almost literally.
May was hard. Really hard. I think I blanked part of it out, because I’m having a really tough time remembering what happened. Whoops? Either that or my life is just so uninteresting that there is nothing to remember. Ah, gosh. I hope it isn’t the second one.
I know I dropped the ball when it came to my assignments. I swear I am the worst college student and some days I wonder what the heck I’m even doing here. Honestly. I think I spend 90% of my time procrastinating and 10% cramming information into my brain at midnight and submitting assignments at 2am. That’s normal for college, right?
I even managed to have ‘words’ with one of my lecturers. It was rough. He really kicked my ass, but it was exactly what I needed (although I didn’t see it at the time). I think I mentioned that I had been struggling in April, but I really hit my breaking point and I was considering dropping out (again) in May. I was 100% ready to throw it all away for a semester and take a breather, but I didn’t. And I’m glad I didn’t.
I pulled myself together and submitted the rest of my assignments. Phew. I finished my tests. Phew. I attended a lecture held by the managing director of Porter Novelli, New Zealand. It was eye-opening. I talked to the lecturer who kicked my ass and we ended the semester on a good note. I have a lot of respect for him, as a lecturer and human being in general, so I would have been disappointed if I had left it on a sour(ish) note. Classes finished for the semester and study week(s) officially began. I’m mildly ashamed to say that I spent a good half of the first week doing nothing. I really have this procrastination thing down.
It was my mum’s birthday towards the end of May, so I went to the beach for her birthday weekend. It was full of good food, bad weather, and doing a heck of not a lot. I’m not complaining. Sometimes I just need to get away from everything and forget for a while. Part of me believes that I would be completely content to run into the forest and live off the land for the rest of my life. It seems like a solid plan until I realise that I don’t know how to garden…and that I would probably kill any plant that I did have. That’s why I got a cactus for my birthday. He’s still alive and well. He still likes to stick my finger with needles. I’m not a fan of that.
I had a lot of coffee dates with a friend from college. I’m sure that’s where 90% of my money goes. Coffee. Coffee and protein bars, because I’m weirdly addicted to both. I’m not hating it either. My friend and I ended up watching Pitch Perfect 2…and I have to say that I’m not a fan. I didn’t love it, but I didn’t hate it. At least I can say that I’ve seen it, right?
I spent a lot of time on the beach and driving around aimlessly. That’s what I do when I’m thinking about something major. It may come as a shock to some of you, but I was (kinda, sorta) casually seeing someone for the past eleven months. It wasn’t anything serious. Just lunches, dinners and the occasional coffee, but it really meant something to me. I like
d him. It seems crazy to end something while you still like the person, right? It took getting out of his car and walking away for me to realise that I just ended a good thing because I was happy. Insanity. I’m tellin’ ya. I have no regrets about the time we had. It He was exactly what I needed for those eleven months, but now I want something more. I just hope I’m ready whenever this ‘something more’ shows up.
I made friends and met new people. I decided against dropping out (again). I’ve been up and down. I changed my mind and back again a million times. I spent six hundred minutes talking to people on the phone. I rediscovered my love of this song (Seriously, please listen to it. It is mind-blowing). I watched my bank balance get lower and lower. I got really good at staying awake until 3am and waking up in time for a 9am lecture.
May was a month of highs and lows, but I never expected it to be easy. Life is never easy. It might not be sunshine and smiles all the time, but I like where it seems to be heading.