So This is What 21 Looks Like.

It has been one day, three hours, and twenty-two minutes since I turned twenty-one. (I’m the weirdo who counts from their exact time of birth and not from when the clock strikes midnight.) Do I count as a twenty-something or is that name reserved for those who are in their mid-twenties? Do I even want to be counted as a twenty-something or do I want to be referred to by my proper age? Such sage questions from a soul so old and wise 😉 I’m tellin’ ya, turning twenty-one changes a person.

my-21st-birthday-little-misadventures

If you had asked five year old Kendel what she would be doing a twenty-one, she would have said: “Being a princess” or simply looked confused. The concept of growing up and being a “proper adult” was not something that was important to me when I was busy playing with Barbie dolls, and raising ducklings.

If you had asked eleven year old Kendel what she would be doing at twenty-one, she would have said: “Farming” or “Saving animals”. I’m not going to lie, there was one point in my life when I was 100% convinced that I was going to marry a farmer and spend the rest of my life working with animals. I would still be quite content to do that. I do like the city life, but I am just a small town, farm girl at heart.

If you had asked fifteen year old Kendel what she would be doing at twenty-one, she would have said: “Working as a journalist” or “Travelling”. This was around the age that I realised that I really liked writing, in any form. It was also when I lived on a farm in Missouri. Talk about turning life on its head. I thought I would have found (and completed) a degree that I loved and would be working in my chosen profession by now. Ha. Such naïvety. 

If you had asked twenty year old Kendel what she would be doing at twenty-one, you probably would have been met with a sigh, a shrug of the shoulders, and an eye roll. Truth is: I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m comfortable in this fact. It’s something I’ve realised in the last six months or so, but it is a powerful truth.

I’m twenty-one and I’m still at university.

I’m twenty-one and I’m living in a new city.

I’m twenty-one and I’ve changed my degree structure more than once.

I’m twenty-one and I don’t have a job.

I’m twenty-one and I don’t have a boyfriend.

I’m twenty-one and I still need my mum.

I’m twenty-one and I’m figuring out that no one really knows what they’re doing.

I’m twenty-one and I’m figuring out that it is okay to not know what I want.

I’m twenty-one and I’m figuring out that I like where I am.

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27 thoughts on “So This is What 21 Looks Like.

  1. Happy 21st Birthday!!! I hope you had a great birthday! That’s so awesome that you wanted to marry a farmer and save animals haha I do say that you count as a twenty-something, but I don’t know if you want to join that twenty-something struggle so many of us are in. I’m about to be 23 and still don’t know what I’m doing. Yeah I have a degree and I do have a job, but it’s still not where I want to be. If only we had known when we were younger how hard being a twenty something is.

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    1. Thanks love ❤ Oh, I think I joined it the second I turned twenty-one haha. I'm in the middle of an early onset mid-life crisis right now. Right? If only we had known how hard being a "grown up" or trying to be one actually is! Life is insane.

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  2. Happy 21st birthday! That is a big deal. You will ALWAYS need your mum. I will be 40 this year and I still do! Don’t worry about the boyfriend…that will happen when the time is right. Don’t rush it. Enjoy life! Hope you have a wonderful year!! Cheers!

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    1. Aw, thank you! 🙂 I’ve definitely figured that one out in the last month or so. I have hit some real rough patches with ‘what the hell am I doing with my life?’ sort of thoughts, and she has always been there for me 🙂 The boyfriend thing…yeah, I’m not too worried about that one ha. I just want one that can put up with all my BS. Ha. Not too big of an ask, right? 😉 Right back at ya love!

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    1. Thanks lovely ❤ Ha that knowledge is definitely a comforting thought at the moment! I have no clue what I'm doing. Part of me is like 'we got this' and the other part is like 'lol keep telling yourself that'. Hopefully I'll get part of my life together at some stage 😀

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  3. love this so much!!!
    Hi I’m 28 year old Holly.
    My life is totally totally ridiculously different than what I imagined it would be at 16 or even 21 but it’s so so so much better!! :))))
    Different but just Keeps getting better and better 🙂
    21 feels like yesterday and feels like an eternity ago already.
    Happy birthday enjoy!!!!! :))

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    1. Thanks love! 🙂 Yes, I can 100% say that my life isn’t turning out the way I expected…already! Ha. I actually couldn’t be more pleased (for the most part) about it though. I mean, how would you feel if everything you predicted/wanted did happen? I think I would get a little bored! Haha.

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    1. Thanks love! Ha some days I find it embarrassing because I’m like “No, I am an adult!” and other days I’m like “I just need my mum to make me a grilled cheese and tell me everything is going to be okay”.

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  4. Happy (late) Birthday Kendel! 🙂 I couldn’t agree more with you, I have no idea where my future is taking me, I may only be a high-school student, and a few years younger than you (I’m 18, soon to be 19) but, I completly agree with you with everything you wrote. I hate that at a young age we’re supposed to know what path we should take, epsecially when it comes to settling down and picking a degree! I loved the part about needing you’re mum – I’m exactly the same!

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    1. Aw, thank you! 🙂 All I can say is that we don’t have to “know” what path to take. I’ve changed my mind three (ish) times since I’ve been at university and every change has made me happier 🙂 There was always an adjustment period, but I’ve always come out the other end happier with my life…so there’s that. Ha. Hooray! I’m glad I’m not the only one! 😀

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  5. Happy 21st birthday!! Hope you’re out having fun and not pondering the meaning of life. Trust me, no one really knows anything except that genuine happiness is key 🙂

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  6. Happy Belated Birthday! I too count my birthday from the minute I was born rather than midnight haha. Though I wouldn’t if I were born at 11:58PM or something. Glad to see you blogging again!

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  7. I’m 19 and I’m everything you mentioned up there. And I’ve been the same since forever. I don’t know if I’ll ever change. I don’t know whether I even want to change.
    Anyway, I love your blog. Always nice to find something relatable. 🙂

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