Yesterday was full of stress, packing, pizza and driving. After all this talk, I finally managed to move houses all on my own. You can laugh at me, but this is quite a big deal. This is the third year that I’m living away from home, but my mother has always helped me moved my stuff, set up my house and taken me food/clothing shopping. Call me a fruitloop, but I’m a bit sad that she didn’t get to help me move and settle into my new house. It started off as something necessary, but it turned into a bit of a ritual between the two of us, and I miss that. There’s nothing like the mother-daughter bonding experience of spending a tonne of money 😉
When I first arrived, I felt good. I had wanted to be in Auckland for so long and I had finally made it happen. I also felt relief that I had survived the drive from Coromandel and over the Harbour Bridge to my place on the North Shore. Seriously, I just radiate tension the whole time I’m driving over that damn bridge. Hopefully I can get used to it. One day. Maybe. Maybe I’ll just start swimming the damn channel every time I need to go into the city.
I started getting a weird feeling when I began to unpack my car. Thoughts began bouncing around in my head and a little bit of doubt came creeping in: ‘What the hell are you doing? Go back to Kuaotunu right now.’ and ‘I can’t believe you did this. You left everything for this?’ It’s true. I left my little slice of paradise on the coast for the hustle and bustle of the city…and I feel a little lost.
I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t had a couple of teary moments. I cried as I left my little town. I cried as I looked at my ‘finished’ room. I cried when I couldn’t pull down my blinds and when I realised that I don’t have coffee. I cried when the reality of sleeping alone hit me. You could say that I’m a right hormonal, blubbering wreck at the moment, but the tears can’t last forever. Can they?
Around a week ago, I started getting the feeling that I didn’t want to leave Kuaotunu. I had finally created a place for myself in that tiny town. I had friends. I had hair and beauty places that I frequented. I knew the barista people by name and had socialized with them outside of their work. I had started exploring the place properly. I laughed when I found out that my sister wanted to stay in the town and do her study online. I thought she was absolutely insane. Now I see why she wanted to stay. She has a life there and I had finally began to carve out mine when I had to up and leave.
Right now, it is taking all the strength that I have to not pack my things and drive back.
Right now, I’m sitting in my room and wondering what they hell I’ve done to myself.