It seems that I have a ‘favourite’ person for this guest posting thing 😉 He has written two posts already (here and here), yet he keeps coming up with something even better! Is this guy a man or a machine?
Again thanks to the delightful Kendel once more as I write another guesty (I’m wondering what her readers must be thinking ? Omg not this guy againlol)
Anyways I’m going to share a few thoughts following a large amount of pain and heartbreak that preceded a moment of clarity (always with the clarity just too darn late huh).
The rubber band is relevant to my interests here as it forms part of what I ended up thinking which is the rebranding of a two people in love as having a Rubber Band Relationship. Bear with me (as I hear you all sigh and scratch your heads) and I’ll try and explain what on earth I’m on about. Think of the two of you and the rubber band you are holding each end of, this represents the love you have for each other. The stronger your love becomes the more the rubber band gets stretched, further and further. You both look at it, see how far it’s stretched and how it represents you both so perfectly. The more you see it, the more afraid you are it will break or worse, that one of you will let go. It’s going to hurt isn’t it ? More than if you keep holding on ? Now the thing that sums it up perfectly I think.
If one person lets go, who gets hurt ? It’s the one who holds on the longest. Not the one who let go first but the one left behind saying “ouch, that hurt. Actually that REALLY hurt”.
Now luckily in my situation I’ve been the one letting go first (cruel and heartless or just earlier recognition of a relationship in tatters) in all cases but one. So Karma catches me and hits me hard and I probably deserve every bit of this rubber banding. I fell in love so damn hard and had no business doing so (touched on briefly in other posts). Fell in love to the point that a piece of me is gone forever, she let go before I did, twang and WOW that stings like a bitch. So much so I’m changed forever, that scar just won’t heal, ever.
The rubber band wasn’t stretched between our fingers, it was actually stretched around both of our hearts instead, it was more intense a love than I’ve ever known before and since. When I felt the band release and hit me that reminder lingers forever, I look at my heart and see the rubber band still hanging there, unbroken but there, still looped around the bruise that remains there.
How I tried to get her to speak and remain somehow in touch even, I missed her so very much. But another saying rings true here, “There’s no point in banging your head against a wall hoping it will turn into a door”. I just wanted to feel her take one end of that rubber band again, she didn’t need to stretch it, just take the end occasionally, feel that heaviness of it lifted just for a second. But no, and that band, the bruise, the pain is mine forever. I don’t think I’m the first to come up with this analogy, I’m certain of it but I feel the painful effects so many years later as I’m sure anyone who has read this far will have too.
Yes, the one who holds on longest. I don’t ever want to be that person again yet how hard is it to let go when you see the stretch and wince expecting the pain ? Feel pain or inflict the pain, there’s never a way to both let go at exactly that same moment and have the band hit neither of you and simply fall to the floor leaving you both unhurt.