Once upon a time, I wrote anything I wanted on this blog. Kind of. I felt like I could write anything on my blog, and that was beautiful. It gave me hope when I clicked onto the ‘new post’ tab and stared at this blank page. I didn’t feel like I had to filter myself as much as I do these days.
That face pretty much explains my attitude towards blogging or any kind of ‘ing’ at the moment
. I used to love coming here and sharing my thoughts, but now it has become daunting. I have been careful of my word choices and of the content that I have (or haven’t) shared on here. Nothing has come out the way I’ve wanted it to and I have become hyper aware that “real life people” know about my blog. It is so weird… and good but mainly weird. I feel like this whole blog has become an extension of myself. I give everyone an unfiltered glimpse into my brain when I press the ‘publish’ button. That is scary.
I don’t know what possessed me to share this blog with my friends. I honestly don’t. I had kept my whole life separate from this little blog of mine. I was really good at it until I decided to start dropping the “Oh, I have a blog” line into my everyday conversations. I was convinced that no one would pay attention to that fact, but they did. I thought people wouldn’t pay attention to the odd button showing up on Pinterest, but they did. I thought people wouldn’t pay attention to things being published on Google+, but they did.
Slowly, day-by-day, my friends began finding my blog. Heck, some of them even made blogs of their own. Honestly, I think that’s awesome. I love the fact that they made blogs of their own. I love the fact that people found my blog. Through some genius move, I decided to create a Facebook page for my blog and more people found the blog. A little part of me thought the Facebook page was a little too intense for my liking, and I ended up deleting it last week.
I don’t know if it’s because people I know are reading my blog, because I have so much that I want to say, or because I have nothing to say.
I don’t know what it is, but the words aren’t coming.