I started this feature last week and I talked about how blogging is like sex. Well, this time I thought I would talk about sex itself.
This is something that has been on my mind for a while. I, by no means, have the squeakiest record when it comes to sex and male company, but I like to think that I am a fountain of knowledge ;]
Kids are having sex shoved in their face. You can’t help but see the innuendos or outright provocative displays on TV or in magazines, movies and music videos. Those are things that we see every day and you better believe that producers are well aware of this fact. I was sixteen when I lost my virginity, but my baby sister was fourteen. Fourteen. She was too young.
Now, do I regret having sex?
I don’t believe in regrets because, at one time, that was exactly what you wanted. I wanted to have sex. I wanted to get rid of it. I wanted to be done with it all. That was my problem. I wanted to get rid of it. That isn’t the way you feel about such a special gift, and (I feel) that’s the way that MTV is portraying it.
I recently watched a show called Virgin Territory and it’s all about teenagers and people my age actively looking for someone to have sex with. Yes, it does talk about people who are waiting until marriage, but the focus is still one the ‘we get to have sex’ aspect of it. Part of me is actually ashamed to admit that I watched such smut.
My first time was bad, and that would be putting it lightly. It was with someone who I didn’t care about and that I barely knew. I believe that if you asked him, he would have the same response. We were two strangers that ended up in my mother’s bed. From there, it turned into a blur of people; I knew their names, but their ages became irrelevant.
I have slept with people who are a year younger than me, and with people who are up to eighteen years older than me.
I have slept with people who I have known for one night, and with people who I have known for years.
I have slept with people who I like, with people who I am indifferent towards, and with people who I love.
I have been coerced into sex, and I have initiated it myself.
I have felt the differences of all of these things. They are like night and day when it comes right down to it. No one really understands what these things mean until they’re in the situation themselves. Perhaps we don’t think about it until after the fact, sometimes well after the fact.
I’m writing about this now because I just had a series of tests completed. (Which all had good results, don’t worry). They were fairly routine tests, but, nonetheless, scary. I never, ever thought I would be getting these tests completed this early in my life. A whole lot of what if scenarios ran through my head, and a lot of them revolved around a lad that I have been spending a lot of time with.
Which is weird and I need to write about that, too.
Point is: think about what you’re doing. You might think that it’s all a bit of fun until you’re sitting in that doctor’s office yourself. It might not be for blood work but for a pregnancy test or a different consultation. It could be because you’re going on birth control or you want to talk about your options before having sex for the first time. You might think that it’s not a big deal until it becomes a form of validation. All of a sudden it could become the only way that you see your self-worth. You might think it’s a bit of fun until you see someone making the same mistakes you did.
No one can make you do something you don’t want to do.
You are worth more than that.
Care about the future.
You are not your mistakes.
If you remember those things then you will be okay.