Talk Back Tuesday: Sex.

I started this feature last week and I talked about how blogging is like sex. Well, this time I thought I would talk about sex itself.

talk-back-tuesday

This is something that has been on my mind for a while. I, by no means, have the squeakiest record when it comes to sex and male company, but I like to think that I am a fountain of knowledge ;]

Kids are having sex shoved in their face. You can’t help but see the innuendos or outright provocative displays on TV or in magazines, movies and music videos. Those are things that we see every day and you better believe that producers are well aware of this fact. I was sixteen when I lost my virginity, but my baby sister was fourteen. Fourteen. She was too young.

Now, do I regret having sex?

Hell no.

I don’t believe in regrets because, at one time, that was exactly what you wanted. I wanted to have sex. I wanted to get rid of it. I wanted to be done with it all. That was my problem. I wanted to get rid of it. That isn’t the way you feel about such a special gift, and (I feel) that’s the way that MTV is portraying it.

I recently watched a show called Virgin Territory and it’s all about teenagers and people my age actively looking for someone to have sex with. Yes, it does talk about people who are waiting until marriage, but the focus is still one the ‘we get to have sex’ aspect of it. Part of me is actually ashamed to admit that I watched such smut.

My first time was bad, and that would be putting it lightly. It was with someone who I didn’t care about and that I barely knew. I believe that if you asked him, he would have the same response. We were two strangers that ended up in my mother’s bed. From there, it turned into a blur of people; I knew their names, but their ages became irrelevant.

I have slept with people who are a year younger than me, and with people who are up to eighteen years older than me.

I have slept with people who I have known for one night, and with people who I have known for years.

I have slept with people who I like, with people who I am indifferent towards, and with people who I love.

I have been coerced into sex, and I have initiated it myself.

I have felt the differences of all of these things. They are like night and day when it comes right down to it. No one really understands what these things mean until they’re in the situation themselves. Perhaps we don’t think about it until after the fact, sometimes well after the fact.

I’m writing about this now because I just had a series of tests completed. (Which all had good results, don’t worry). They were fairly routine tests, but, nonetheless, scary. I never, ever thought I would be getting these tests completed this early in my life. A whole lot of what if scenarios ran through my head, and a lot of them revolved around a lad that I have been spending a lot of time with. Which is weird and I need to write about that, too.

Point is: think about what you’re doing. You might think that it’s all a bit of fun until you’re sitting in that doctor’s office yourself. It might not be for blood work but for a pregnancy test or a different consultation. It could be because you’re going on birth control or you want to talk about your options before having sex for the first time. You might think that it’s not a big deal until it becomes a form of validation. All of a sudden it could become the only way that you see your self-worth. You might think it’s a bit of fun until you see someone making the same mistakes you did.

No one can make you do something you don’t want to do.

You are worth more than that.

Care about the future.

You are not your mistakes.

If you remember those things then you will be okay.

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6 thoughts on “Talk Back Tuesday: Sex.

  1. I know this my seem sad and wrong, because I agree with you saying that 14 is wayyyy to young to have sex. But, I lost my virginity when I was 14….Not something I am proud of. But my one year older best friend had lost hers, and I felt just like you. I wanted to get rid of it. In a way it is my worst mistake of my life, but I would not be who I am without that discussion…….
    Keep up the great writing 🙂

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    1. Yes, I feel the exact same way as you! I don’t really regret it or think that it’s the absolute worst thing I have done, but I just wish I hadn’t thought of it in that way. There is so much pressure on teenagers these days and I think it is absolutely horrible. However, like you said, I definitely wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t done it all those years ago.

      Thank you petal! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. FIrst off, GREAT post, Kendel. I think more people need to read posts like this… It’s also awesome that you’re so open and willing to share your past experiences to help others. You’re so right—It’s definitely a HUGE step in terms of life events, and personally, I think I wanna wait until it’s the right time with the right person. I know I have urges… we all do, but you’re right. If we just take a moment to think…think about all the pros and cons and effects… then I think people maybe wouldn’t get into such bad situations. I’m not saying that sex before marriage is bad (my personal choice is just abstinence for now) it’s just a huge step, and no one but you can or should tell you when to take it. It’s all about the person, and what they feel is right for them. And we shouldn’t judge, either. Virginity (or lack thereof) can be a really personal and touchy subject for most…and who are we to judge other people by what we’ve done? No one’s perfect. And we shouldn’t let the fact that we have or have not had sex define us, or have it define other people.

    So I just wanna say thanks– I hope others will find this helpful and useful as I have. Like you, I know someone close to me who I thought was also way too young for such a big life event, so I feel you there. Well written, and I’m glad a feature like this helps to just smash the ice and get the thoughts out there on topics that may be heavier and more controversial. Can’t wait until the next one! (:

    xoxo
    -Steph

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    1. Aw, thank you for such a wonderful comment petal! I definitely think a lot of people should be talking about this. It’s an issue that a lot of people are faced with every day…especially in college. Holy wow.

      I have to admit, it is difficult to weigh up the pros and cons when you’re in the situation though. It’s just about the last thing on your mind. Haha. If people had the forethought though, that would be ideal. I feel like some people can be too easily convinced in some cases though. I know I have been, and I hated myself for it afterwards.

      I, personally, hate letting people down and that means that I sometimes go along with something that the other person wants. We, myself especially, just need to learn to speak up and be honest about the situation, and be confident that we won’t be judged for our choices.

      Like

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