It feels as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I didn’t realise I had been carrying it around with me but wow, I woke up feeling absolutely amazing yesterday. The level of relief was absolutely through the roof.
I woke up with the energy to conquer the world. I have found my motivation again, not just for university, but for the gym as well. You may laugh at that sentence but a week (or two) ago, I received an email that said I hadn’t gone to the gym in almost a month. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Yesterday, I had the physical and mental energy to push myself at the gym. Did I die? Well, yes. But am I glad to have gone? Again, yes.
It goes without saying that I needed to write that post.
This blog is a place of freedom for me. I don’t know why, but I don’t like to burden other people with my ‘problems’. I tend to think that they have their own problems and shouldn’t be burdened with mine because that would be unfair. Isn’t that what friendship is though?
I am, and have always been, an introvert. I need the time away from people to be able to function. I get overwhelmed with too many people trying to talk to me at once. I have felt physically sick by being in a crowded room. I can mingle until the cows come home when I’m in the right frame of mind, but if I’m not, well, the chances of it ending on a good note are very, very slim.
That ‘frame of mind’ was something that had eluded me all week. I was a miserable, miserable person. I flaked on friends, I wasn’t ‘present’ in group discussions, and I skipped lectures and tutorials. I simply didn’t care. It was a typical case of ‘the lights are on but nobody’s home’. I would sit in a lecture hall, record audio notes of the lecture, and then zone out.
I spent a whole hour examining a hole in the wall above the lecturer’s head. I ignored a guy who cusses, talks about sex, and hands out money during lectures. Whoops.
As I type this out, I’m thinking of that steadily growing ‘to do’ list that is written in my notebook. It has grown longer and longer in the past couple of days. There are notes scribbled in margins, highlighted parts everywhere, and stars next to the extra important stuff…and you know what?
I’m ready to tackle this monster.