Well, I just realised that I tilt my head one way every single time I take a photo. That is good to know, but not the point of this post. The point was: I have many faces. However, looking at these photos, I would beg to differ. My head tilts to the same side, I never show my teeth (ew, braces) and I’m almost always sitting at the desk in my room. Not very ‘different’ if you ask me.
I have been going through a ‘crisis’ I guess. So, despite my apparent calm and collected (ish) exterior, I was a whole ball of emotion just under the surface. This has lasted, oh, a week…more or less. Those pesky thoughts, my friends, they never leave me alone these days.
For the past seven days I have been feeling particularly apathetic to everything in life: coffee, sleep, reading, university, alcohol, sex. You name it, I probably would have replied with meh or not much enthusiasm at all. I am sorry if anyone experienced this. It was not you, it was definitely me. I am a female and I am weird. It is a weirdness that I fully embrace…or sometimes it consumes me and I just don’t have a choice in the matter. I’m beginning to think that the past week was more the latter.
However, in the past twenty-four hours I have made some pretty important decisions:
1) I like being a vegetarian and I’m going to make attempts to become a better one
2) I do want to study abroad. I had a moment of panic and decided that I wanted to pull out but after some good chats and giving myself a stern talking to, I have decided to jump back on the crazy train! Hopefully it isn’t too late.
3) I am back into university life and I actually like it. There was a moment that I wanted to join a commune and just forget it all. Well, I realised how insane that was and now I’m determined to do better – a lot better – at university. Gotta keep those grades up if I want to study abroad ;]
4) I want to learn Spanish again. I regret pulling out of the paper so I’m looking into alternative methods of learning.
5) I am also going to be 100% single or 100% in a relationship. No middle ground. No fooling around. I am no longer interested in anything like that. Take it or leave it but that is how it is.
So, there you have it! Those are the things that have been eating me alive and I’m happy to say that I finally have a decision. Now it is time to work my ass off and make sure they happen. There’s nothing like a good challenge, right?