As I was listening to my video I made the other day I said somewhere that I felt like I haven’t really ‘ranted’ on this blog. I know I have had a couple of angry moments but nothing as angsty as my old blog. I try to keep away from that now. Lets see how long that lasts ;] So whilst I haven’t ranted my ass off on here, I guess I haven’t been as true as I could be either. For some reason, I was so focussed on filtering out all the stupid teenage stuff out that I actually filtered out a large part of my life.
Truth is: my life has been insane lately. Maybe not on the outside but I definitely have a knack at keeping things bottled up until tick, tick, tick boom. I feel like I am at that moment right now. I am hovering riiiiiight on the edge of spontaneously combusting so here are some truths that I have been avoiding:
✚ I am really uncomfortable in my body. I don’t remember the last time I have been truly happy with the way that I look. Honestly, for more years than I would like to count I have looked into the mirror and thought ‘ick’. I don’t know, there are just a few things I would like to change.
✚ I have been seriously questioning if I want to get married…ever. I don’t really know what caused these feelings but they’ve been lingering around for a year or so. Marriage is a beautiful thing and I know it is but I just don’t know if it is for me. I could quite happily live with someone forever without signing a piece of paper. I mean, it’s basically the same thing, right?
✚ This study abroad is causing just a lot of stress if I am being 100% honest. I may be over thinking some things but I only do that when I really care about something. Right now all I want to do is run away and forget it all…or pull out of the programme altogether. At times I really don’t think it is worth it and I’ll be happier to backpack around Europe for six months by myself.
✚ I am just overwhelmed.
✚ Boys. Why do we need them? This thing with my friend is going well but I still don’t know what is going on and it is doing my friggin’ head in. Honestly. I just want a straight yes or no at this point. Hell.
✚ It has been a month and I think I’m going to spontaneously combust any day now. Tick, tick, tick…
✚ Money, honey. Isn’t that always the cause of stress? Ha. Oh, university you are a cruel mistress.
✚ I am just overwhelmed × 2. Really overwhelmed guys. The ‘to do’ list is insane.
✚ I really don’t know why I was in such a rush to ‘grow up’.
This has been a really shitty week.